Confessions of a Custom Home Builder:

Flattery, a firm plan, and a six-pack will get you everywhere;

Once, a client called me the most dishonest man she had met. At the time I was stunned, but 25 years later I realize she was right. I had represented myself as a contractor when I was just a fool with business cards.

Now I know what I'm doing when I build or renovate a house. I must admit, however, that I'm no longer as conscientious about callbacks.

So how do you find a contractor who's not a fool and who will return calls?

In this booming market, that's the problem facing any homeowner bent on building or remodeling.

Contractors respond to clients who can provide a succinct description of the job. That means a smart homeowner hits the library before making any calls. Besides looking through design magazines, skim through publications relating to the trades you're about to hire.

Fine Homebuilding, a magazine written by tradespeople, will give you an insider's view as well as great design ideas.

I also recommend a couple of books: Modern Carpentry, the bible of the business, and Interior and Exterior Home Improvement Costs published by R. S. Means, which give costs for typical jobs.

If you still can't decide between terra cotta and oak, hire an architect or an interior decorator.

It may sound extravagant, but it can save you money in the long run.

I had one customer who couldn't decide until a wall was painted whether she liked the color. She spent hundreds of dollars having us paint and repaint the same walls different shades of yellow.

Keep calling. Don't be discouraged if the contractor doesn't return calls at first. He or she may just be too busy trying to satisfy current customers to worry about future business--exactly the kind of person you want on your project.

Try again in a few days, and again next week. When you leave a message, tell the contractor that he or she was recommended by an old client or fellow tradesman. That warms the cockles of the contractor's heart.

If you're getting five or 10 other estimates, you might decide not to volunteer that information to the contractor. Nobody wants to be one of 10 contractors bidding for a project. It takes several hours to do an estimate.

The initial interview is largely about establishing trust on both ends. If the job is substantial, mention to the contractor that you have saved for this, or that you've made preliminary arrangements with your bank. And you ought to check references--although anyone can always get their uncle to tell you what a great job I did on his renovation.

What if you think a bid is too high? Most contractors I know feel mildly insulted by a counteroffer.

It implies their price was inflated to begin with. But prices can be cut by lowering the scope of the job. The contractor and customer may agree to save a few hundred bucks by, for example, substituting stock moldings for the custom kind.

If someone offers to make up costs with sweat equity, I decide case by case. Some people can do demolition without screwing things up. If the customer will load the dumpster and make the dump run every week, I'll reduce the estimate. But if you say you're going to do the painting, remember that might take three full weekends of work.

Once the job begins, keep up the flattery. Learn the name of each worker on your job, and praise individual effort. Just like that, you elevate tradespeople into craftspeople. And reduce hassles. At some point every contractor gets blindsided by the husband/wife double whammy.

A contractor tells of the time when he and his crew sat in the truck for an hour while a couple hotly debated which floor finish to use. While the good cop--bad cop routine might work on a car lot, your relationship with your contractor is supposed to be cooperative.

Don't go changing. On a job of any complexity, some tweaking of the original plan is inevitable, but to suddenly insist that a staircase be moved or to demand Italian designer light fixtures that are back ordered until Y2K will quick-chill the jolliest contractor.

It doesn't matter that you're willing to pay (and pay you will). You may have forced him to spend goodwill with the subcontractors and thrown off his schedule. Remember how hard it was to get him to return your initial call? Maybe you caught him on a week when he was dealing with change orders.

If your project is lagging because the contractor is off on another job, remember that even the most organized people can become overbooked from time to time. But don't hesitate to become the squeaky wheel. He's probably used to it.

He's also used to quirky requests. My crew and I view each job as a sitcom, and your family is this month's cast. We'll go a long way to satisfy a customer--picking up a kid at school or even--I'm serious--holding a sick dog up to the phone to bark to the owner--as long as the customer doesn't forget that time is money.

Finally, a few kindnesses can create a pool of goodwill that will tide you over many problems. One of my favorite customers had cold beer delivered to his house every Friday at 4 p.m.--but never, of course, at noon on a weekday.